It's been awhile since my last post. My, my, time does truly fly. It gets faster every year. It's truly amazing. I don't even know of this blog still works, so I thought I would see. Testing 1, 2, 3.
If so, maybe it's time I stopped in again for some glimpse inside my own head. If not, well, it's been a good experience blogging here.
Boy, I need a vacation.
there's been such heavy stuff going on in my head and heart lately. I don't even know where to begin and i can't adequately explain what has been taking place there. but it's been heavy, none the less. disconnected. that's how i have felt alot lately....disconnected from family, friends, work, and peace. too much has come to my attention lately about death and getting old and watching loved ones slowly slip away and seeing seemingly healthy people quickly disappear from this life. i hate to see my loved ones getting old and not enjoy life so much anymore. i hate to feel that twinge of guilt for not visiting someone i know is sick/old/dying and who would benefit from my presence in some way. i'm selfish, i'll just admit that here and now. i don't want to be surrounded by sickness and depression and death. but, at the same time, i want to share times with my loved ones who will not always be with us. who will not likely be with us next year, next month, tomorrow. it's heavy alright. a wife loses her husband in the blink of an eye. just the weekend before they were out in a boat enjoying their time. now, she's a widow. last year, she was going all the time and spending quality time with her grandson. now, she can hardly get out of bed. not long ago, he was energetic and healthy and loved to work on the farm. today, he can barely stay awake long enough to have a conversation. going, going, gone. just like that. sometimes you have to wonder if being close to people is worth the pain of losing them. i know it's worth it, but sometimes you wonder if you could spare yourself some pain by avoiding relationships. i've done it, i've seen it. it happens. but, we have to remember that the only way we can feel great pain is to know great pleasure, great love, great times. i know it's true. right now, i guess i'm just fighting my selfishness to avoid those heavy situations. i try to leak out the heaviness in other situations, like a movie that might remind me of losing someone i love. it hits me hard. so heavy i can barely raise my chest with a breath. like a ton of clouds are resting on my chest and my lungs are being squeezed and i'm forced to try to take in a deep breath just to get some air. and it's painful to take in, like that feeling when you're in freezing air and it hits your lungs sharply, like it's being exposed for the first time. i don't know, i'm rambling, but that's okay. i know what i mean and i'm getitng it out and i'm not here to impress anybody. i'm here to express myself and maybe take some of this heavy load off my chest. i hope it helps.
Gosh, I haven't been here in two months. That's just the way things are these days. Turbo speed all day long....a million things on my plate and no time to think and relax in my head. I need a different job. I am stressed and don't have the energy or desire to do things I normally enjoy. The mental energy needed to do my job has taken over my life and I want it back. It drains me until I do nothing at night. I used to have hobbies and do things after work and enjoy doing many things, but work has taken that all away and I've allowed it. I can't even relax to read a book anymore. I've had a headache since I got up this morning and I can tell it's stress. My job requires alot and I can do it and I do a good job but I feel like it's not doing a good job on ME. And I am not the only one suffering. Everyone suffers in some way. But I do the most. I feel trapped and scared about what may happen. I need away from this toxic place. But until I find a way out, I need to live as healthy as I can. I'm not doing well. And it sucks.
Yesterday, a coworker's husband died. It was a sudden illness and they went in to explore to find the source of some bleeding and he died. Just like that. Makes you think. I can't imagine living without my grrl. She is as much a part of me as the air that I breath. I can't imagine anything worse, and that's scary to think about. But, when faced with things like this, you can't help but think about it at least for a minute. and then you go squeeze your grrl and tell her how much you love her and how happy you are to have her in your life. and just how fortunate you feel to be loved by someone so wonderful. it's rare. it's beautiful and you want to always have it with you.
ok, i'm done for now. we'll see how long it takes to come back.
If this doesn't scare you, you must be dead. Now really, what would Jesus do?
Halliburton Iraq deals described as contract abuse
(2005-06-27)
By Sue Pleming
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A top U.S. Army procurement official said on Monday Halliburton's deals in Iraq were the worst example of contract abuse she had seen as Pentagon auditors flagged over $1 billion of potential overcharges by the Texas-based firm.
Bunny Greenhouse, the Army Corps of Engineers' top contracting official-turned whistle-blower, said in testimony at a hearing by Democrats on Capitol Hill that "every aspect" of Halliburton's oil contract in Iraq had been under the control of the Office of the Secretary of Defense.
"I can unequivocally state that the abuse related to contracts awarded to KBR (Kellogg Brown and Root) represents the most blatant and improper contract abuse I have witnessed during the course of my professional career," said Greenhouse, a procurement veteran of more than 20 years.
Her blistering criticism came as the Democrats released a new report including Pentagon audits that identified more than $1.03 billion in "questioned" costs and $422 million in "unsupported" costs for Halliburton's work in Iraq.
Halliburton's subsidiary KBR is the U.S. military's biggest contractor in Iraq and has been accused by Democrats of getting lucrative work there because of its ties to Vice President Dick Cheney who headed the company from 1995-2000.
Pressed by lawmakers whether she thought the Defense Secretary's office was involved in the handout and running of contracts to KBR, Greenhouse replied: "That is true."
"I observed, first hand, that essentially every aspect of the RIO (Restore Iraqi Oil) contract remained under the control of the Office of the Secretary of Defense. This troubled me and was wrong," said Greenhouse.
Halliburton issued a statement strongly rejecting comments by Greenhouse and others at the hearing, including a former KBR employee who accused the company of overcharging for food services provided to troops under a logistics deal.
"The only thing that's been inflated is the political rhetoric which is mostly a rehash of last year's elections," said spokeswoman Cathy Mann of the hearing.
HALLIBURTON DEFENDS ITSELF
Regarding claims of political influence because of Cheney, Mann said it was easier to "assign devious motives than to take the time to learn the truth."
Both the Pentagon and the Army Corps of Engineers, which was in charge of a sole-source oil contract given to KBR in Iraq, have denied any special treatment for KBR. The Corps did not immediately respond to questions.
Democrats called for an urgent hearing and an investigation into what they said were contracting abuses involving KBR.
"This testimony doesn't just call for Congressional oversight -- it screams for it," said Sen. Byron Dorgan, a Democrat from North Dakota.
What concerned Greenhouse most was that the oil contract, which had a top value of $7 billion, was given to KBR without competitive bidding.
She irked her bosses by handwriting her concerns in official documents for the oil deal but said these were overlooked, she said.
In one instance, she said Army Corps officials bypassed getting her signature to grant a waiver for KBR to be relieved of its obligation to provide cost and pricing data for bringing fuel into Iraq.
That waiver was granted after a draft Army audit said KBR may have overcharged the military by at least $61 million to bring in fuel to Iraq to ease a shortage of refined oil.
Roy Moore Removed Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice, Ten Commandments monument crusader and favorite on the ultra-conservative lecture circuit
"The State carries the power of the sword, that is, the power to prohibit [homosexual] conduct with physical penalties, such as confinement and even execution. It must use that power to prevent the subversion of children toward this lifestyle." — 2002 concurrence in a custody case involving a lesbian mother
This is the guy who will likely run for Governor next term in Alabama.
I have noticed alot of attention being given to the penis lately and I'm wondering why all the hype? You have sexual dysfunction drugs at every corner of the market, every other commerical, every other page in a magazine and no telling how much money is in the market. I doubt I really want to know. Now, these are sexual dysfunction drugs for MEN, not really for women. The focus is on the penis, not the pussy. With BILLIONS of dollars being invested into research, drugs, advertisement for the men out there, where does this leave the women who have never even experienced an orgasm? We have women out there who have NEVER had an orgasm and no one is putting money into that. How does it make those women out there feel who never experience an orgasm and their man can now GO for hours and with the aid of drugs can last all weekend, instead of being the minute men they truly are. Some man who can't focus enough to keep it up is getting something to prolong his errection just because he can't control himself or pace himself or is just too damn lazy to work on this area, while his wife has yet to experience an orgasm in this lifetime. There is something really fucked up about that focus of attention.
Now, I'm not saying there aren't men that have problems sexually, but I seriously doubt it is as bad as they make it out to be. I know many many men who have used these drugs who had no problem whatsoever, they just wanted to be hard for longer periods of time. For those limited number of men with real problems, I am glad they have this, but it is being way over exposed and way over used by men who do not have problems with getting an errection. But if you want to make some money, putting your stock into a penis drug is the way to go. Call it penis envy if you want, but I think the direction is way fucked up here. There are people dying of AIDS everyday and the government and society couldn't give a shit. But let a man have a premature ejaculation, and the world stops and drops billions of dollars for the penis.
Just to give an idea, last year alone, Viagra boasts of sales over $1.2 Billion. That's just one of the three major drugs in that field right now, and that field is expanding every year (no pun intended). There is also the drugs Cialis and Levitra that are major money makers in the field. And you can bet there will be more to come. New and improved versions, longer lasting versions, etc. It went from lasting hours with the introduction of Viagra, to Cialis which is called the "weekend" drug, lasting 24-36 hours. Next we'll see a week long drug, and before you know it, the penis can stay erect 24/7!
Maybe it's just me, but it seems we have some fucked up values here when billions of dollars are being shoved into this market while we have so many terminal illnesses without cures, so many causes that need our attention.
We are in the third decade of HIV/AIDS epidemic. Approximately 60 people worldwide have become infected, including over 20 million people who have already died. There are people infected from EACH state in the United States. It is on track to be one of the worst, if not THE WORST, epidemics in human history.
That's just one disease. There are others that need our money and time. Cancer, heart disease, diabetes, etc... What I'm saying is, this country is so big on what they call morals, but what morals are we really portraying when an extended erection takes 1st seat to deadly diseases when it comes to money and research and support from the public?
I have this thing about fairness that has been with me since I was born apparently. From a young age, the unfairness in situations always bothered me. If people weren't treated fairly, it bothered me more than most as a kid. Still does.
In working with all kinds of people, I find it very irritating to deal with people who think they can do whatever they want do. Some people seem to have an attitude that everyone owes them and they are the ones that badmouth the company they work for, and they are the ones that milk the system for what they can get, and they'll cheat here and there, and stretch their hours or expenses, and do nothing but talk negative about their supervisor or the company, and then they are the ones who complain when they don't get a promotion and say it wasn't fair. That kind of thinking is amazing to me.
To all you jerks out there that do that, shame on you! I hope you get what you deserve today! Sometimes when these folks seem to always get their way, you wonder where is the justice in it all, and then remember that there is no guarantee for justice in the work world. And that makes me sad. Some of the assholes move ahead of the good people who work hard. Some of the bitches get by with stuff just because they are bitches. Some jerkoffs will do the least amount of work they can do to get by and then act as if they are above all the rules. I can't help it sometimes when those types of people just piss me off. Today is one of those days. And though I know it's not a fair world and I shouldn't wish bad things on even the assholes of the world, sometimes you just have to admit that you are not superhuman and that this stuff pisses you off. Today is such a day for me. Maybe tomorrow will be better.
Call me a nerd, but I thought this was pretty cool when I saw this on www.npr.org!
Wildflower Thought Extinct Rediscovered in Calif.
Scott Hein/Save Mount Diablo. The Mount Diablo buckwheat (Eriogonom truncatum), last seen in 1936 and presumed extinct.
Day to Day, May 26, 2005 · Naturalists have rediscovered a tiny, pink wildflower that had been considered extinct for nearly 70 years. A Mount Diablo buckwheat flower was recently found by a University of California graduate student in a California state park.
There's a bird that has been called "the Lord God bird" that was believed to be extinct. Apparently the bird hasn't been spotted in over 60 yrs and folks had asked for it's name to be removed from the "endangered" list to the "extinct" list. I heard a segment on NPR about it and heard the people talking about the bird as if they had seen a miracle from heaven. I guess they did. It made me think about how little we do think about the "ordinary" miracles of the day. I am no expert, but I have done a little bird watching in my time (shows you what a nerd I really am). I've done some eagle spotting before and have tried to learn the different species of birds from a book and learn to identify a few. But, listening to these experts talk of the miracle of spotting this bird was pretty cool, I must say. We don't care much about our earth or what's on it. We don't care if a bird that has been around for thousands of years drops off the earth forever. We are just worried about ourselves, for the most part. And sometimes, the reality of that can hit you in the face and make you ashamed for being a human being.
I do feel a bit sorry for the rare bird, which is an ivory billed woodpecker. Apparently, the bird is quite shy and prefers the woods (as one might expect of a woodpecker). I can't help but think of how I bet that one woodpecker that got caught by the mere humans must be the village idiot of the ivory billed woodpeckers now. That one bird has fucked up their privacy and their whole world. now, folks will be following them around with cameras and trying to sneak pictures of their every move. The poor dorky bird will likely be known by the flock as the eve who ate of the tree, or the judas who betrayed their own kind. Well, I am glad that the bird is not extinct. I hope they can get back to enjoying their quiet lives in the woods and are undisturbed by us humans.
Sometimes, being a rarely seen bird seems like a good thing to be, doesn't it?
I have wondered several times why the Jerry Falwells of the world haven't noticed an obviously gay female cartoon character named Kim Possible. I mean, come on, she's wearing green cargo pants, and she has a side kick who is a "naked mole rat" which looks an awful lot like a "shaved beaver." I don't know, maybe it's the gay male characters they are all worried about, but they might want to watch this suspicous looking cartoon character lest she be out to change the world!
I'm so tired I may just collapse at any moment. I've been spending the last two days in my parent's house cleaning their clutter. It makes you want to throw away everything you have and just keep it simple when you see a real hoarder in the works. I know I have some issues with clutter, so it is scary to think I might turn into my parents and become so fearful of letting go of "things." I really doubt I could ever become that bad, because it seems to sad and unbalanced and depressing and stressful to live like that. I would hate myself and hate life if I got to the point they are at. God bless them, I know it took years to get here, but they have got one heck of a mess in their house. Me and my 2 siblings have dedicated this weekend to trying to get a hold on this situation. It is a sacrifice, let me tell you. I would much rather be with my grrl at home or wherever we may be, just as long as I was with my grrl. We have a wonderful relationship, one that is far beyond any I've ever known, in every way. I'm lucky and I know it. We have such a powerful connection, a psychic level, an intellectual level, a physical level and a heart level that makes us such a good combination and a strong couple that sometimes it is amazing to think about. I like to remind myself of that often to truly appreciate what we have. So, I've done that this weekend while driving to the dump with a truck load of trash from my parents house. I do that now, as my partner has gone to a funeral and I'm home with the kids. I did it as we both lay in bed last night struggling for sleep and feeling the warmth of her body and love, so damn cuddly beside me. There is no better place in the whole world than our bed. It's wild, it's warm, it's safe, it's comfortable, it's home, it's sexy, it's peaceful, it's the way I love to spend my time the most.
Sometimes I think I need to move somewhere where there are winters that are really winters. Mainly because the damn mosquitos love my skin and blood. I am like a glue trap and magnet for biting insects. I hate that because I enjoy the great outdoors. I don't really like the sticky feel of insect spray, but what's a girl to do? I enjoy digging around in my flower beds about as good as anything. It's such a stress reliever to dig around in the dirt and enjoy the beauty of nature and the flowers that you help arrange and grow. I really love flower gardening. I've always been much better with flower beds than containers. But I love it all. Sometimes when I've had a stressful day and I'm driving around and see someone working as a landscaper, digging around in a flower bed, I envy them and think maybe I could really enjoy that if it would pay the bills.
These have been random thoughts, as the title suggests. I haven't written in awhile and just felt the need to just say whatever came to mind as I typed. Nothing to write home about, but then, I'm not here for anyone but me. And it was just what I needed. I'm not here for a debate or to win any contest, I'm just here to say what I want or need to say.
1945 Adolf Hitler commits suicide in his underground bunker
Der Fuhrer, Adolf Hitler, dictator of Germany, burrowed away in a refurbished air-raid shelter, consumes a cyanide capsule, then shoots himself with a pistol, on this day in 1945, as his "1,000-year" Reich collapses above him.
Hitler had repaired to his bunker on January 16, after deciding to remain in Berlin for the last great siege of the war. Fifty-five feet under the chancellery (Hitler's headquarters as chancellor), the shelter contained 18 small rooms and was fully self-sufficient, with its own water and electrical supply. He left only rarely (once to decorate a squadron of Hitler Youth) and spent most of his time micromanaging what was left of German defenses and entertaining such guests as Hermann Goering, Heinrich Himmler, and Joachim von Ribbentrop. At his side were Eva Braun, whom he married only two days before their double suicide, and his dog, an Alsatian named Blondi.
Warned by officers that the Russians were only a day or so from overtaking the chancellery and urged to escape to Berchtesgarden, a small town in the Bavarian Alps where Hitler owned a home, the dictator instead chose suicide. It is believed that both he and his wife swallowed cyanide capsules (which had been tested for their efficacy on his "beloved" dog and her pups). For good measure, he shot himself with his service pistol.
The bodies of Hitler and Eva were cremated in the chancellery garden by the bunker survivors (as per Der Fuhrer's orders) and reportedly later recovered in part by Russian troops. A German court finally officially declared Hitler dead, but not until 1956.
Your dominant hues are green and blue. You're smart and you know it, and want to use your power to help people and relate to others. Even though you tend to battle with yourself, you solve other people's conflicts well.
Your saturation level is low - You stay out of stressful situations and advise others to do the same. You may not be the go-to person when something really needs done, but you know never to blow things out of proportion.
Your outlook on life is bright. You see good things in situations where others may not be able to, and it frustrates you to see them get down on everything.
Music has always paid a big part in my life. As a pretty young kid, I would steal away to my older (teenage) brother's room and listen to his music. It became my music. The late 60's and early 70's music feels like home to me. I love that stuff. It gives me a good feeling, like those days of youth when you had so much free time and plenty of time to play and use your imagination. So, when I hear those songs, it gives me a good feeling.
Moving along, I always spent a lot of time listening to music. Not just listening to it, but breathing it in and out and feeling it. Reading album covers, to tape covers, to cd covers from front to back. Learning the words, learning the musicians, learning producers and writers you like.
Music has always been a friend I have had around since childhood. There for those bad times, to wallow in the deep dark places of your mind, or to soar to the highest places. Music is alive and understands and shares the trials and the good times we all have. It understands the feeling of being in love and understands the loneliness a heart can hold. There has always seemed to be music there for me just when I need it.
But it seems like lately, and for some time now, music has shifted for me. I can't find my style anymore. I've always been eclectic in my taste of music. But I can't seem to find the music anymore. Nothing moves me like it has in the past. And I'm not sure why. Maybe it's the pace of my life. Maybe it's stress. Maybe I just don't take the time like I used to to really listen and become one with the music. I'm not sure. But I am sure that it bothers me. It's like having your oldest friend all the sudden seem like you have nothing in common anymore and feeling uncomfortable.
Part of it may be that I'm getting older and I don't fit into alot of TODAYS music. I normally shift with the times, and go with the flow of music but it seems the only thing I have been able to get anything out of at all lately is a cd I bought that is for meditation. It's what many would call New Age, I guess. Music designed to relax and unwind and music used by many to arise spiritual thoughts and actions. Music from Tibet and other places that seem so enlightened. It brings to mind the type of music that David may have played for King Saul in the Bible that seemed to move him when nothing else did. It was as if the music brought spiritual renewal or relief. Maybe that's just what shift my mind and heart has taken lately. And maybe that type of music is the thing I need to befriend me right now. I don't know. It sounds good to me. I could use some relief.
If history repeats itself, I suspect this shift in music will follow another. And I'll go with whatever flow comes my way. I just never want to get out of the flow. Maybe life has been too hectic, or something, and my mind needs relief from all the noise and that's why this music appeals to me right now. I may as well stop analyzing it and just go with it. Some things you just can't explain.
Lately, I can't tell if I'm coming or going. For one thing, I'm sick and don't feel well. I'm irritable. I'm stressed at work, which trickles down into every other area of my life. Maybe that's why I'm sick. Work has gotten even busier than before. I've been "promoted" at work, which translates into alot more responsibility and very little compensation. It was one of those situation where I was really forced to take on more and get paid about $30 more per week to do the job of 1 1/2 people. It's disheartening to know I should be getting paid at least $10,000-$15,000 more per year than I do. It makes it really hard to feel good about my job. Oh well, I can either find another job (which there's not much to choose from here) or I can just deal with it. I try to just deal with it most of the time b/c my goal is to move from this area within 3 yrs. My stepdaughter is in the 10th grade and we'd like to move from this sorry State of Alabama when she has graduated high school. I'm so ready for that day. We fantasize about where we might move. We study areas that are gay friendly and gay family friendly. We compare climates and income and expenses. And dream.
On a darker note....it appears that my sister's mother in law does indeed have lung cancer. This woman has always been good to me and my family and wonderful to my nieces/nephew. I hate to hear this news, especially for the kids.
I need some clothes. I feel like Dirty Sally at work. Anybody but me know who Dirty Sally was? Ha! I'm showing my age. Anyway, I need some shirts and pants and shoes for work and really need to go shopping. Me and my partner when shopping last night. We were tired and irritable and have had a long week already. We aren't big shoppers, but we wanted to get some new clothes for work since we BOTH got promotions at work at the same time. She did pretty good shopping, but I only found one pair of pants. Why do we say "pair of pants" when it's only one? Yes, there are two legs, but there's only one pant. Hmmmm. My head hurts from coughing so much. But I have to cough because of that tickle/drainage thing going on in my throat. My nose is stopped up AND running at the same time. My head feels like a snotty sponge is stuffed into my head. My ears hurt. And my tongue hurts. I think I need a doctor.
This blog today is of no interest to anyone but me and that's okay. I just haven't written much lately and felt the need while I had spare moment. Those moments are rare. I'm really amazed I could focus long enough to write this.
By the way, I'm proud of my partner and her promotion. She'll do a great job, she always does. She was overdue for a promotion. She's been stressing about doing a good job and learning everything. It is scary to learn a new job that you are supposed to be in charge of. People come to YOU with questions and you just have to figure things out as you go along. It's a scary place to be. But she'll do great. She doesn't hear me when I say this right now, but I hope she will. She does a good job and works harder and with more dedication than most people I know. I have no fear for her b/c she will succeed. And that's all there is to it. She'll see for herself, hopefully, very soon. Hang in there, sweetie!
If it's your wish to not be put on life support, then it's your duty to your loved ones to get a living will. It's simple, it's clear, and it's free. You can express your wishes in no uncertain terms and allow your loved ones the peace of knowing that your will is being done. You can spare your loved ones the ridicule of the world and keep your life from becoming the next political platform. My life is not for debate. It's not for politicians to decide. It's not for a feeding tube to be put in and then ordered to be out and then back in again. This is my life, thank you, and I don't want any politician or Judge to decide what is right for me when I am no longer able to do for myself. I don't know Terri's real situation. I can't know her wishes, no one can. This can be debated until the cows come home and yet, no one will know for certain what Terri wants. Maybe she's never going to get better. Maybe she wanted to die. I don't know and I would hate to have to decide that at this point. No one really wins here. And I don't really see how this can be decided by the legal or political systems of our nation. I certainly don't know the right thing to do here. That's why I think it's important to put into writing what your wishes are. Either get a living will, or write that you want to be kept alive at all costs. Just do it for those that you love.
On a side note.....if Terri's reality were my reality today.....then my partner would have no say whatsoever as to my wishes. We have no legal ties, and my family could waltz right in and tell the medical officials what to do with my life. Even if I told my partner NOT to put me on any life support, my parents could have all the legal say in the world about what to do with my life. Even if we'd been together for 30 yrs. However, years ago I got myself a Living Will. I gave my doctor a copy, I gave my parents a copy, and I kept a copy for my records. Now, I'll give my partner a copy so that all will know my wishes. That is a relief to me to make that decision for myself, and to spare my loved ones any struggles with the issue.
Ok, let's back track to discuss the ousted Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore. He was the judge who had a 5,300 lb monument of the ten commandments installed at the capitol. The US District Court Judge Thompson had ordered the monument be removed, and then later expelled Moore from his office after he refused to obey the Federal Court order. So, it cost $7,000 just to have the monument moved. Who paid for the monument? Who paid for it to be moved? The Alabama tax payers, of course.
No one had a problem with his personal spiritual&n bsp;beliefs. He was free to put up the ten commandments in his personal office. But no, that wasn't enough for him. He wanted to become a martyr so that he could gain popularity and riches from his behavior. It wasn't about his spiritual beliefs, it was about his public religion and public image. No one told him how to behavior on his personal time, they just told him he couldn't force his personal religious beliefs in government. Isn't that what Christians would want if we had a judge who was a Buddhist? Wouldn't they want him to leave his religious practices in his/her personal time and treat everyone without reference to religion? To not force his/her beliefs on everyone else? To respect the faith of others?
Now, the former Judge was also been forgiven the legal fees to fight this case for all this time. The bill came to over $500,000, that's half a million dollars folks! Who paid his bill? The Alabama tax payers, of course. Even though a Federal Court determined Moore to be wrong in this case, the tax payers will pay the price for his personal agenda. And what happened to Moore? He wrote a book about his experiences and may even run for Alabama governor next term, or he may shoot for the Presidency. And with all the idiots out there blindly folllowing this fool, he may just get it.
So much for the separation of the church and state. Do you think for one moment that if his religious beliefs lay elsewhere he would be able to put a religious monument up at the capitol building? Do you think he could put up a big fat Buddha at the Capitol and have the taxpayers pay for it? Would the public be so willing to speak up for him then? Would religious freedom seem a little different in that light to those now speaking so powerfully on the freedom of speech and freedom of religion (all in the name of Jesus)? Think about it. These people aren't for freedom of religion or freedom of speech, they are for the freedom for them to force their beliefs on everyone else, not to mention forcing us to foot their bill while preaching their personal beliefs to the world. I'm so sick of these self righteous pigs sucking up all the air and dipping their greasy hands into my pocket to do it. It's amazing how blind people can be to these types of people. He's laughing all the way to the bank and may laugh himself into office again. Wake up, America!
My sister's mother-in-law is very sick, something is in her lungs, most likely cancer. The tests haven't come back yet. Whatever it is, it's in both lungs and has moved rapidly. She's a wonderful lady and has been a fantastic grandmother to my nieces and nephew. For them, I ache, knowing what they have ahead of them. Their first real taste of death. The death of their first grandparents. And they have some GRANDparents. My sister's mother in law is the kind of grandmother that takes time out with her grandkids. She's positive, gives them lots of individual attention, gets down and plays with them, takes them places, does crafts with them, cooks with them, reads with them, etc.... She's just Grand. As a matter of fact, they call her Gran Gran.
I'm just dreading this for the kids and the family. My brother in law is apparently taking this really hard, which actually surprised me. He's not very close to his mother and never has been. He's close to his dad.
I was thinking on the way home today about Gran Gran being sick and how rapidly this thing is moving and she's already told everyone she didn't want to prolong her life or live her life any different than she is now. If it's cancer, she'll go quickly, most likely. My oldest niece is 13, she'll understand more about what's going on. My nephew is 4, he'll not really understand what's happening very well. My other niece is 8 and she's very sensitive, so I worry about how she'll do with it. I was 8 yrs old when my first grandparent died and it affected me greatly. It was my first real taste of death and remember being so confused by everyone. They were all crying and upset, but at the same time were telling me "Granddaddy's gone to heaven." I remember wondering why people were crying if he went to heaven. Maybe they weren't sure. That's what I wondered. How do you really know? Anyway, I dread the end of innocence for them. I hurt in my heart for what is to come. And I hope they are able to talk about it freely and work through their grief in healthy ways. I hope and pray the family comes together and forms a safe place to grieve for them all. And I pray for this wonderful woman, Gran Gran, who has been such a good mother in law to my sister and a wonderful grandmother to my nieces and nephew. I hope she can walk this path in peace and love and comfort.
I was recently reading an article by James B. Twitchell in the Mother Jones (March-April 2005 issue) and read an article I found to be interesting about the megachurches of today. The article focused on one particular such megachurch in Illinois called Willow Creek that was led by a pastor named Bill Hybels. The church lies on 155 acres, has a five acre "reflecting pond", has parking attendents assisting by radio headsets, has shuttle buses and offers entertainment and all sorts of social services to the community. They've replaced the old school church atmosphere for a more informal setting. Sermons have become "messages" and Sunday's Best has turned into casual come-as-you-are. The Little Brown Church in the Vale has become the MegaMart for Jesus.
You've seen the megachurches of your community, they resemble a shopping mall....lots of pavement/parking, large buildings, lights, etc... and they have been selling something to the American public, and doing quite well. It offers an opportunity to become a part of something bigger, but isn't so threatening as church was back in my day. Having them draw out yet another verse of the most dredging song in the songbook while you stand gripping the wooden pew, sweating from the Hell, Fire and Damnation sermon the sweaty preacher just delivered. No, they now tend to go the less threatening route, which is very smart to me. I never understood why people wanted to scare people into becoming a Christian. What is the point of that? Fear shouldn't be the motivation to have a relationship with God, in my humble opinion. Anyway, these new megachurches are offering sports, music, community, teaching, transportation, a social life, travel, .....all that and a ticket to heaven too!
This particular fellow, Hybel, had done his research. He had wondered why so many people didn't attend church when they claimed to be believers. So, he did his homework. He and a group of his friends went door to door asking the questions. They discovered that the answer was plain and simple, the barrier that kept families out of church was MEN. Their questioning found that men don't like being religious in public, they don't want to be told what to do, especially in the presence of women, and they don't like losing control. So, they figured if they could get men to come to church, much like the anthem in "Field of Dreams", "if we built it, they will come", then they could get the women and children to follow. And it worked. They have catered to the sensitive needs of men and churches like the Willow Creek megachurch is now one of the nation's largest congregations: 18,000 people attend services any given weekend.
Now, that's impressive. But, I'm left wondering what does that mean to the individual? I remember moving to a bigger church and enjoying the anonymity of blending into the crowd. I could be separate but a part of it all at the same time. But I was there to focus on my own spiritual life and it was just what I needed at the time. At the megachurch, I saw alot of lonely people there just searching for someone to pay attention to them, someone to love them. They came to find a mate, they came to have a place to fit in, they came to find a date, they came there to find a friend, and they came to do what they are supposed to do as a Christian. And I saw alot of empty people still seeking something and looking pretty miserable. Fake smiles and lonely hearts. But, there were the ones who were obviously there to have a relationship with God. It just seemed they were few and far between. And that was very sad to witness.
It doesn't matter if it's the little brown church, or the megachurch, you can't substitute church for a relationship. I think everyone has to find out what their place of worship is. For some, a megachurch suits their needs. For others, it might be a walk in nature, or writing, or reading, or helping others, or working for a good cause. There are so many things that need to be be done out there and obviously the church doesn't meet the needs of everyone. So, why do they often act as if they can? We have many talents and many passions and I feel that we have been given those things for a reason. And I hope that people find what those things are and go with it. I hope for those that are seeking, that they will not let anyone stand in their way of finding their way, not even the church. I certainly don't have all the answers, but I've been around enough to know what some of the answers [i]aren't. [/i] And I'm wise enough to know that God doesn't reveal secret plans for my goodwill to others so they can tell me about it and enlighten me. I have a personal relationship with God and I don't need an interpreter or mediator. I can learn from others, but I don't have to depend on another human being to direct my path. And until God tells me differently, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Zoo drops efforts to turn penguins straight & nbsp; By Larry Buhl, PlanetOut Network & nbsp; Friday, February 18, 2005 / 07:21 PM
SUMMARY: After six male penguins resisted all efforts to relate to female penguins, keepers at the Bremerhaven Zoo in Bremen, Germany, decided to let them stay gay.
Outrage from gay and lesbian groups and -- apparently -- the strength of animal amore, have thwarted a German zoo's plans to break up three gay penguin couples. After six male penguins resisted all efforts to mate with, or even relate to, female penguins, keepers at the Bremerhaven Zoo in Bremen, Germany, decided to let them stay gay.
Keepers at the Bremerhaven Zoo in Bremen, Germany, couldn't understand why six endangered Humboldt penguins, part of the zoo's 10-penguin exhibit, failed to produce offspring. Though the birds coupled up, did courting dances, built nests together and appeared to have sex, no babies were created -- although one couple adopted a stone that they protected as if it were an egg. When DNA tests showed that all six were male, zookeepers turned to a form of aversion therapy by coaxing them to mate with females.
But after four female penguins were imported from Sweden earlier this year to distract the males, it was clear the gay penguins would not turn "straight." The male couples were separated and introduced to the females one by one, but they pined for their mates until they were reunited.
German media reported on the plan, causing gay groups from around the world to deluge the zoo with angry e-mail messages and phone calls. The protests, plus the penguins' stubborn fidelity, caused the zoo to pull the plug on their aversion therapy efforts this week.
Responding to criticism, Director Heike Kueck said the zoo did not try to break up the same-sex pairs by force. Rather, administrators wanted to see if the birds were really homosexual or just lacking in opportunities for female companionship. "The relationships of the male couples were apparently too strong," said Kueck.
Attempts to turn gay penguins straight haven't met with much success. New York's Central Park Zoo gave up its plan to break up the six-year relationship of Roy and Silo by pairing them with female penguins. Roy briefly spent time with one female, but they separated early this year. Roy's flirtation with heterosexuality seems to have strained his relationship with Silo, however, since the two no longer spend time together.
Penguins don't have a lock on same-sex love, however. Scientists have found homosexual behavior throughout the animal world, and more so with animals in the wild than with those in captivity. Bonobos, apes closely related to humans, are nearly all bisexual -- and, studies have shown, wildly energetic sexually. Young male dolphin calves frequently form same-sex relationships.
Same-sex animal couplings have sparked debate over the origin of homosexual behavior. Gay rights groups have used gay animal examples to bolster the belief that homosexuality is natural, while conservative religious groups continue to call such couplings "animalistic."
Though she resists using animal behavior to draw conclusions about humans, Marlene Zuk, author of "Sexual Selections: What We Can and Can't Learn About Sex From Animals" (University of California Press, 2002) says that same-sex animal behavior can be used to expand our understanding of sexuality in general.
With bonobos in particular, Zuk explained, "You see expressions outside the period when females are fertile. Suddenly, you are beginning to see that sex is not necessarily about reproduction. Sexuality is a lot broader term than people want to think."
As for the six Bremerhaven penguins, the experiment doesn't seem to have caused a rift in their same-sex relationships. The four Swedish temptresses, meanwhile, are not exactly left out in the cold. The zoo has flown in two new male penguins, "so the ladies don't miss out altogether," Kueck said. He did not, however, indicate how they would solve the lopsided female-male ratio of uncoupled birds.
U.S. Supreme Court Refuses Alabama Case Bobby Puppione, Alabama Public Radio
WASHINGTON, DC (2005-02-22) In 1998, the Alabama Legislature passed a wide ranging anti-obscenity law that included the sale of sex toys. The U-S Supreme Court declined to review a case concerning that law on Tuesday. Bobby Puppione reports.
The American Civil Liberties Union filed a challenge on behalf of merchants and users seeking to overturn the 1998 state law. Sherri Williams owns Pleasures stores in Huntsville and Decatur. She says nothing has changed at her store.
"Business as usual. I have an injunction. I am the only store in the state of Alabama that is prevented from any type of enforcement because I sought to get an injunction from the judge."
The Atlanta-based 11th U-S Circuit Court of Appeals ruled last July that siding with the sex toy merchants could open the door to the legalization of undesirable sexual behavior such as prostitution. Williams and other plaintiffs have twice won in trial court, but both time lost on an appeal filed by the Alabama attorney general's office.
"[Cigarette butts] also present a threat to wildlife. Cigarette filters have been found in the stomachs of fish, birds, whales and other marine creatures who mistake them for food ... Composed of cellulose acetate, a form of plastic, cigarette butts can persist in the environment as long as other forms of plastic." --Clean Virginia Waterways
Photo Courtesy Clean Virginia Waterways
"Considerate smokers don't litter. Those who do deserve criticism as much as any other litterer." -- SmokingSection.Com (Militant Smoker's Rights Group)
