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moon phases
 
Hell, Hitler!
04.30.05 (4:10 pm)   [edit]
This day in history...
April 30

1945 Adolf Hitler commits suicide in his underground bunker


Der Fuhrer, Adolf Hitler, dictator of Germany, burrowed away in a refurbished air-raid shelter, consumes a cyanide capsule, then shoots himself with a pistol, on this day in 1945, as his "1,000-year" Reich collapses above him.

Hitler had repaired to his bunker on January 16, after deciding to remain in Berlin for the last great siege of the war. Fifty-five feet under the chancellery (Hitler's headquarters as chancellor), the shelter contained 18 small rooms and was fully self-sufficient, with its own water and electrical supply. He left only rarely (once to decorate a squadron of Hitler Youth) and spent most of his time micromanaging what was left of German defenses and entertaining such guests as Hermann Goering, Heinrich Himmler, and Joachim von Ribbentrop. At his side were Eva Braun, whom he married only two days before their double suicide, and his dog, an Alsatian named Blondi.


Warned by officers that the Russians were only a day or so from overtaking the chancellery and urged to escape to Berchtesgarden, a small town in the Bavarian Alps where Hitler owned a home, the dictator instead chose suicide. It is believed that both he and his wife swallowed cyanide capsules (which had been tested for their efficacy on his "beloved" dog and her pups). For good measure, he shot himself with his service pistol.


The bodies of Hitler and Eva were cremated in the chancellery garden by the bunker survivors (as per Der Fuhrer's orders) and reportedly later recovered in part by Russian troops. A German court finally officially declared Hitler dead, but not until 1956.
 
what's green and blue?
04.26.05 (6:25 pm)   [edit]










you are paleturquoise
#AFEEEE


Your dominant hues are green and blue. You're smart and you know it, and want to use your power to help people and relate to others. Even though you tend to battle with yourself, you solve other people's conflicts well.

Your saturation level is low - You stay out of stressful situations and advise others to do the same. You may not be the go-to person when something really needs done, but you know never to blow things out of proportion.

Your outlook on life is bright. You see good things in situations where others may not be able to, and it frustrates you to see them get down on everything.

the spacefem.com html color quiz
 
feelin' the music
04.16.05 (4:11 pm)   [edit]
Music has always paid a big part in my life. As a pretty young kid, I would steal away to my older (teenage) brother's room and listen to his music. It became my music. The late 60's and early 70's music feels like home to me. I love that stuff. It gives me a good feeling, like those days of youth when you had so much free time and plenty of time to play and use your imagination. So, when I hear those songs, it gives me a good feeling.

Moving along, I always spent a lot of time listening to music. Not just listening to it, but breathing it in and out and feeling it. Reading album covers, to tape covers, to cd covers from front to back. Learning the words, learning the musicians, learning producers and writers you like.

Music has always been a friend I have had around since childhood. There for those bad times, to wallow in the deep dark places of your mind, or to soar to the highest places. Music is alive and understands and shares the trials and the good times we all have. It understands the feeling of being in love and understands the loneliness a heart can hold. There has always seemed to be music there for me just when I need it.

But it seems like lately, and for some time now, music has shifted for me. I can't find my style anymore. I've always been eclectic in my taste of music. But I can't seem to find the music anymore. Nothing moves me like it has in the past. And I'm not sure why. Maybe it's the pace of my life. Maybe it's stress. Maybe I just don't take the time like I used to to really listen and become one with the music. I'm not sure. But I am sure that it bothers me. It's like having your oldest friend all the sudden seem like you have nothing in common anymore and feeling uncomfortable.

Part of it may be that I'm getting older and I don't fit into alot of TODAYS music. I normally shift with the times, and go with the flow of music but it seems the only thing I have been able to get anything out of at all lately is a cd I bought that is for meditation. It's what many would call New Age, I guess. Music designed to relax and unwind and music used by many to arise spiritual thoughts and actions. Music from Tibet and other places that seem so enlightened. It brings to mind the type of music that David may have played for King Saul in the Bible that seemed to move him when nothing else did. It was as if the music brought spiritual renewal or relief. Maybe that's just what shift my mind and heart has taken lately. And maybe that type of music is the thing I need to befriend me right now. I don't know. It sounds good to me. I could use some relief.

If history repeats itself, I suspect this shift in music will follow another. And I'll go with whatever flow comes my way. I just never want to get out of the flow. Maybe life has been too hectic, or something, and my mind needs relief from all the noise and that's why this music appeals to me right now. I may as well stop analyzing it and just go with it. Some things you just can't explain.
 
coming or going
04.06.05 (2:22 pm)   [edit]

Lately, I can't tell if I'm coming or going. For one thing, I'm sick and don't feel well. I'm irritable. I'm stressed at work, which trickles down into every other area of my life. Maybe that's why I'm sick. Work has gotten even busier than before. I've been "promoted" at work, which translates into alot more responsibility and very little compensation. It was one of those situation where I was really forced to take on more and get paid about $30 more per week to do the job of 1 1/2 people. It's disheartening to know I should be getting paid at least $10,000-$15,000 more per year than I do. It makes it really hard to feel good about my job. Oh well, I can either find another job (which there's not much to choose from here) or I can just deal with it. I try to just deal with it most of the time b/c my goal is to move from this area within 3 yrs. My stepdaughter is in the 10th grade and we'd like to move from this sorry State of Alabama when she has graduated high school. I'm so ready for that day. We fantasize about where we might move. We study areas that are gay friendly and gay family friendly. We compare climates and income and expenses. And dream.


On a darker note....it appears that my sister's mother in law does indeed have lung cancer. This woman has always been good to me and my family and wonderful to my nieces/nephew. I hate to hear this news, especially for the kids.


I need some clothes. I feel like Dirty Sally at work. Anybody but me know who Dirty Sally was? Ha! I'm showing my age. Anyway, I need some shirts and pants and shoes for work and really need to go shopping. Me and my partner when shopping last night. We were tired and irritable and have had a long week already. We aren't big shoppers, but we wanted to get some new clothes for work since we BOTH got promotions at work at the same time. She did pretty good shopping, but I only found one pair of pants. Why do we say "pair of pants" when it's only one? Yes, there are two legs, but there's only one pant. Hmmmm. My head hurts from coughing so much. But I have to cough because of that tickle/drainage thing going on in my throat. My nose is stopped up AND running at the same time. My head feels like a snotty sponge is stuffed into my head. My ears hurt. And my tongue hurts. I think I need a doctor.


This blog today is of no interest to anyone but me and that's okay. I just haven't written much lately and felt the need while I had spare moment. Those moments are rare. I'm really amazed I could focus long enough to write this.


By the way, I'm proud of my partner and her promotion. She'll do a great job, she always does. She was overdue for a promotion. She's been stressing about doing a good job and learning everything. It is scary to learn a new job that you are supposed to be in charge of. People come to YOU with questions and you just have to figure things out as you go along. It's a scary place to be. But she'll do great. She doesn't hear me when I say this right now, but I hope she will. She does a good job and works harder and with more dedication than most people I know. I have no fear for her b/c she will succeed. And that's all there is to it. She'll see for herself, hopefully, very soon. Hang in there, sweetie!