Blog For Free!
Archives
Home
2007 May
2005 August
2005 June
2005 May
2005 April
2005 March
2005 February
2005 January
2004 December
2004 November
2004 October
2004 September
2004 August
2004 July
2004 June
2004 May
2004 April
2004 March
2004 February
2004 January
My Links
Greeneyedgrrl's Blog
pensiveapollo's blog
SERRV
Beliefnet
Dictionary/Thesaurus
NOVICA
Steps to Recovery from Bible Abuse
USA Today
PlanetOut
Southern Poverty Law Ctr
Sisterstalk
National Public Radio
Utne
Mother Jones
The Progressive Magazine
Confessions of a Christian Agnostic
Webcrawler
The Onion
tBlog
My Profile
Send tMail
My tFriends
My Images
Sponsored
Blog
|
| white power |
| 06.30.04 (6:12 pm) [edit] |
I heard this segment on NPR yesterday during marketplace that talked about the world of white power music. They had the head of some music producing company talk about it. I was surprised to hear how they try to cater to all styles of music to have something for everyone. From folk, to rock, to country, to heavy metal, to whatever you like. It was frightening to hear some of the music clips and the words they were singing. The guy was talking about how the music has sold twice as much this past year than the last year.
My partner and I were talking about why this white power thing has surged upward recently. We decided that since 9/11, folks have gone crazy. Everyone is the enemy that doesn't look just like you. Crazy times bring out the crazies.
We looked at the website of the company (which I won't name b/c I don't want to advertise them on my blog) and it was disgusting. Hate brewing hot and red as their necks. Lyrics were posted and it was pure hate and violence and arrogance. Sickening stuff.
Sometimes this world seems awfully dark and full of hate. Where are we going? What's next? Why do people think that this type of behavior is the answer?
I should have been a flower child in the 60's. I would have fit right in. I hate I missed that.
Peace out.
|
|
|
| |
| aging parents |
| 06.27.04 (2:41 pm) [edit] |
You always hear about how the life cycle brings your relationship with your parents around....you are dependent on them for alot as a child....basic needs, guidance, etc... and then your parents become elderly and often need that kind of care from you. Scary, isn't it?
Today I was visiting my parents and got a glimpse of an idea of how that might be. And it made my heart hurt. My Mom asked me to help her with her computer and I fixed what to me was a small problem than anyone that knows anything about computers would have figured out. But she needed my help. And I was glad to be there and not make her feel stupid about asking me for help. Then, later, my Dad was asking me to help him figure out how to work the remote control to the tv and satellite. It was a very simple thing that he's done many times before, but he couldn't get it. So, I fixed it for him and showed him how....slowly showing him and telling him how to do it next time. He was grateful for my assistance and I was glad to be there.
It's sad to see your parents getting older and losing some of their problem solving skills. In some ways I've seen my parents still having some of the skills but not having the energy or motivation to carry them out. That saddens me too. They've always been such active people. Working all day long and into the night. And over the years, the working has decreased until they mostly just sit and fall asleep. They aren't the people they used to be. Especially my Dad. And it's really hard to see and realize that my nieces and nephew will never know the man my Dad has been. They'll never know how patient and kind and loving he has been to those he loves. They think he's great just as he is, but they don't know the half of what this man really holds inside. And I grieve for them for what they have missed and what I miss. I grieve for my parents loss of abilities and functioning.
I hope they always feel like they have someone to ask if they need something. I hope they have kind care over the last years of their lives. That people who may tend to them in times of need will care for them as if they were their own parents. And I hope they will one day leave this world at peace and not some miserable ole man and woman. I want them to enjoy themselves as much as possible. I hope I add to the enjoyment and can be there for them in ways they have been for me. Those most important ways I remember from childhood was that I knew they loved me and would do their best to take care of me. I knew I could call them anytime I needed to talk. And I had a hug anytime I needed one.
These realizations of my parents aging and immortality make me sad and they are hard to swallow, but it's a part of life. You need to feel every bit of life that you can, even the painful things, or you haven't lived to the fullest. I'm not looking forward to the hard times ahead for them, or for me, but I'll try to do the best I can to live without regret, and with my heart open wide.
|
|
|
| |
| protector |
| 06.26.04 (12:57 pm) [edit] |
I've always been the type of person who takes up for the one's I love. Don't mess with my family. Don't mess with my friends. Don't mess with anyone I care about. My protector role comes into play.
This week, a doctor was yelling and attacking one of my employees. I could not stand there and let him treat them with such disrespect. I went off on him. A doctor. People were standing there with their mouths open. I'm usually a pretty calm person and mild mannered. Peace is my main theme. But I could not stand there and let him talk to my grrls like that. It was not acceptable. He may be a doctor, but he puts his pants on the same way the rest of us do. (He called our office the next day attempting to apologize for his behavior.)
Maybe it's the Cancer shell that I have and I try to spread the shell out over everyone I care about. I don't know.
My Momma may be crazy and hurtful to her family at times, but she's my mother and I love her and don't really want to hear someone disrespecting her or hurting her. Sometimes she brings things on herself and I feel bad for her cause I know she just wants to be loved and she doesn't know how to go about it. She's like a dorky giraffe or a porcupine just trying to get some love. Always sticking her neck where it doesn't belong or sticking someone with her sharp needles when she goes in for a hug. I feel for her. I really do.
The strongest protector mode has evolved over the past 2 1/2 yrs by way of my partner. I never felt this way before. Don't mess with my grrl. Don't hurt her, don't use her, don't take advantage of her. The worst pain I know is if I feel I have hurt her in any way. And to see her cry just breaks my heart. I love her with all that I am and to hurt her is to hurt me. That sounds corny but it is so true.
And it feels good to have someone protect me too. My little woman is a mother hen and I love when she gathers up her chicks....and I'm her favorite chick!
Cheep, cheep!
|
|
|
| |
| trapperkeeper |
| 06.26.04 (12:33 pm) [edit] |
I don't know why this guy came to mind today.....but there used to be this guy in my class that got picked on alot. I went to a county school, which meant that you started 1st grade with pretty much the same people you graduated with in the 12th grade.
Remember the Trapper Keeper notebook that came out? It came out, I guess, when I was in junior high or maybe high school. This dorky guy named Jeff got one of those notebooks. It was to change his life forever. He went from dorkville to the land of the victim. They started calling him "TrapperKeeper" and the name stuck through the rest of school. They made fun of him alot. They would badger him and torment him to the point that he would cry sometimes. I always felt bad about that. Sometimes I would tell them to stop. Sometimes I didn't do anything. I didn't participate but I didn't stand up for him much either. I never felt good when that kind of thing was going on. And I felt bad for not taking more of a stand for him. He didn't do anything to anybody. He was just being himself.
I never have understood that bullying thing. But looking at the animal kingdom, you see similar behavior. They pick on the weak. Survival of the fittest. People form groups for acceptance and pick on others that are not like them. The dumb jocks were known for bullying alot. They were popular and cute and atheletic and found it necessary to torment anyone that wasn't just like them. I wonder what become of those dumb jocks after high school? And I wonder whatever became of Jeff, a.k.a., Trapperkeeper? I hope he is the boss of some company and those dumb jocks are his subordinates.
But I hope he is big enough to forgive them and not repeat or return the hate. I hope he got over it and moved on with his life.
|
|
|
| |
| Stepdyke? |
| 06.20.04 (9:35 pm) [edit] |
Happy Father's Day to me? I don't know, I guess I'm sort of a stepdad. Moreso than a stepmom, I guess. I don't know, I haven't figured that one out yet. Even though I have stepkids, I don't really like to think of myself as a parent. It's too scary. So, I'm a partner to someone who has kids and we all live together as a family. I try to steer clear of labels, so maybe I'll just do that here. Sounds good to me. And it decreases any need for anyone to compare me to the biological father. (personally, I would win based on character in that race, but not through a child's eyes). Kids tend to idealize even the sorry-est of fathers. So, regardless of the fact that the father may not support them financially at all, and only see them twice a month.....and never tells them they can't do anything or teach them limits or responsibility.....as long as the father can give them gifts and pets and toys and fun stuff, well, all is well with the kids. I could never compete with that. And I won't.
For the kids sake, though, I hope they can see through his shallow deeds. I hope they can learn their greatest lessons in life from their mom who is a great example, and disregard their father's loser example. I hope their self esteem doesn't suffer because of him. And I hope I can add some stability to their life and help to make this a happier home. I also hope they can see how much I love their Mom.
My Dad has been a good father and I'm thankful for him. Way to go, Jack! You're number one! Thanks for always showing me unconditional love, no matter what your wife said, no matter what your church said, no matter if you totally understood me or agreed with me in everything. You've tried your very best, this much I know.
I love you very much.
|
|
|
| |
| And they wonder what's wrong with kids these days.... |
| 06.11.04 (10:47 am) [edit] |
Check out this story.....
http://www.waff.com/Global/story.asp?s=" title="http://www.waff.com/Global/story.asp?s=" target="_blank"http://www.waff.com/Global/st...%20%201914914
It's about a father who is accused of beating his daughter at a softball game because she missed a ball during warm ups. He pulled her off the field and into the parking lot, then pushed her into his car and began to beat her. The wife of the man accused of this is saying it was all blown out of proportion, but witnesses say they saw him hit the girl with his fist. The daughter reportedly told people that she lost her temper and then the father slapped her.
Sometimes you just can't believe things are this way. But, then you go to a kids ball field somewhere and sit close to the parents and listen to them. It's amazing. I recently went to see my niece play softball and my brother in law is yelling at my niece, barking like a big ole dog ready to take a bite out of her, warning her not to mess up. I thought about this man named Greg Crowe that the news report was about....and I wondered just how close these other parents are to going off like that. My brother in law has a loud and hateful bark anyway, so it's not hard to imagine him totally losing his cool. My niece is 12. She's supposed to be having fun playing ball with her friends. She's supposed to be learning the basics of the game. This isn't the fucking Major Leagues! Give these kids a break! Let them be kids and have some fun. You're the one that's miserable. Be miserable on your own time. You had your childhood to play ball with your friends. You may have become an asshole, but keep your asshole to yourself, we don't want to see it, or smell your stink. If you can't control yourself at a 12 yr old softball game, then keep your ass at home in front of the MLB game and be that perfect athlete and coach that you never were. Do you honestly think that public humiliation and physical aggression is the way to make your kid a better ball player? Do you think that if your daughter is THE BEST one on the team that that makes you some kind of super dad. It says absolutely nothing about you. It's not about you, you fucking prick! Let your kids be kids and let them have fun. If they are lucky, they won't grow up to be an asshole like you. If they are lucky, you'll stay home when they have their next game. And if they are really lucky, you'll try to encourage them to have fun and learn sportsmanship and teamwork and all the good that can come from sports. Don't take that away from those kids. Get over yourself and focus on your kids for once.
|
|
|
| |
| Confucius say |
| 06.09.04 (6:35 pm) [edit] |
"When things are investigated, then true knowledge is achieved;
When true knowledge is achieved, then the will becomes sincere;
When the will is sincere, then the heart is set right;
When the heart is set right, then the personal life is cultivated;
When the personal life is cultivated, then the family life is regulated;
When the family life is regulated, then the national life is orderly;
And when the national life is orderly, then there is peace in the world."
~CONFUCIUS
I like it. WIthout people who are willing to investigate things for themselves (and open their minds), there is no peace.
|
|
|
| |
| staff morale |
| 06.08.04 (7:28 am) [edit] |
Morale at work has been an issue since I've been working at this particular mental health facility. Strange, isn't it, that a place designed to treat mental health issues would be a place that doesn't really practice healthy relationships or communication.
I just had an employee tell me this morning that she is leaving. She got another job. She'll be making more money, and working less hours. And she'll be making more than me when she leaves here.....and she doesn't have a license or the years experience that I have. So, I sit here in my office this morning, happy for her that she's getting to leave, and sad for me that I'm losing a good employee. And wondering how I can make this place better, despite the negativity of it. I have struggled lately anyway, and then this was a big blow to the gut today.
An old friend reminded me of something over the weekend. She is a 50 something year old woman who has worked in her field for years. She is unemployed and seeking work. She hasn't been able to find anything. She's a very talented and dedicated individual. The kind of individual that puts her whole self into something, and it's usually for a very good cause. She volunteers and goes way beyond what most people would do. Proabably to a fault.
Anyway, I asked her about her look for work, and she said, there's three things standing in her way....."I'm too out. I'm too old. And I'm overqualified." How sad. She was right though.
I had a moment of terror thinking that might become me in a few years. I may be there now, I don't know. I have got to move out of this area if I ever plan to make more money or advance away from this sludge of a place. God help me, I hope I can.
|
|
|
| |
|
|
