Blog For Free!
Archives
Home
2007 May
2005 August
2005 June
2005 May
2005 April
2005 March
2005 February
2005 January
2004 December
2004 November
2004 October
2004 September
2004 August
2004 July
2004 June
2004 May
2004 April
2004 March
2004 February
2004 January
My Links
Greeneyedgrrl's Blog
pensiveapollo's blog
SERRV
Beliefnet
Dictionary/Thesaurus
NOVICA
Steps to Recovery from Bible Abuse
USA Today
PlanetOut
Southern Poverty Law Ctr
Sisterstalk
National Public Radio
Utne
Mother Jones
The Progressive Magazine
Confessions of a Christian Agnostic
Webcrawler
The Onion
tBlog
My Profile
Send tMail
My tFriends
My Images
Sponsored
Blog
|
| Role models and options |
| 04.27.04 (6:48 pm) [edit] |
Role models…
When I was a little girl, I didn’t see many options for women.
All the women in my family (which includes 9 aunts and 2 grandmothers and all the great aunts/grandparents) had pretty much the same role.
You were a wife, a mother, a maid, a cook, a host, and all that goes along with being a mother/wife from that time. Another important role of women when I was a kid was being the worker bees of the church.
Women were servants, plain and simple.
You served the men, you served the children and you came last. You stood while the men ate, and you waited for them to finish so you could serve them seconds, or dessert.
Maybe that’s why sometimes I like to eat my dessert first. hmmmm
So, there I was… a preschool tomboy, looking at my lack of options as a female. And I decided I didn’t want to be a female. It wasn’t about penis envy or anything sexual at all, it was the lack of options for women. In my pretend world, I wanted to do exciting things and have cool jobs and travel and save lives and fight evil and all the things men got to do.
I was an Indian fighting off the intrusive cowboys.
I was the detective catching the bad guys.
I was the pilot flying a plane.
I was the cool dude on a motorcycle.
I was the receiver catching a touchdown pass.
I was the photographer catching that perfect shot.
I was Tarzan.
Somehow I knew enough to not share all these ideas with anyone except my cousin, who was a big tomboy too.
I remember one defining moment for me… my male cousin, Timmy, was over at my house and we were playing. I was preschool age and he was a year older. We got hot and Timmy took off his shirt. Well, I was hot and just took mine off too. Only, when I did, I heard all these gasps. I was immediately told that I could not take off my shirt. When I noted that Timmy took off his shirt, they just told me girls couldn’t take off their shirts.
I didn’t get it, cause shirtless Timmy and I looked the same to me.
I asked why… and didn’t get an answer. So, I said, “well, I wish I was a boy then!” My Dad was there and he was quick to tell me “God made you just like you are and you should be proud.” (Or something like that). I still didn’t get it, but I thought about that day many times since then. I took it to heart later on when I was coming to terms with my sexuality. After all, it was my Dad who told me God made me like I am and that I should be proud and my Dad always told me the truth. I don’t think he meant it like that, but I took him at his word. And many times, those words would comfort me.
I do believe God made me like I am. And my Dad taught me that. I wonder if he remembers…
I am happy for the little girls of today, who have so many options when they look ahead. They can be the detective, the pilot, the artist, the athlete, and anything they want to be (except maybe the President of the United States). But, hey, we’ll get there one day, too. Just give us time....
|
|
|
| |
| Confederate Memorial Day? Give me a break! |
| 04.26.04 (6:31 pm) [edit] |
I'm so ashamed of my home state. I'm ashamed to tell you that today is Confederate Memorial Day, which is a State holiday in Alabama. Yep, Court Houses were closed today and all State departments, such as the Department of Human Resources. I cannot believe it's still a paid holiday for State employees, that this day is observed as a holiday for [i]anyone[/i]. And don't give me this crap about how you may have had a relative die in the Civil War who served in the Confederate Army. What a crock of shit!
Show me a Confederate flag flying in a yard and I'll show you a redneck who leans towards the KKK. They may say it's for southern pride, but that is just a mask, and it resembles a white hood I've seen in pictures. Show me a house sporting a Confederate flag, and I'll bet you my next paycheck that in that house you'll find at least 2 guns and a Bible. (not necessarily in that order). Show me a Confederate flag on a pickup truck and I'll show you a white man who is still thinking he is superior to everyone else and is so afraid of anyone that doesn't look just like him. Southern Pride? No, more like Southern Fear. Southern Ignorance. Southern Shame.
|
|
|
| |
| tblog sucks sometimes |
| 04.25.04 (3:02 pm) [edit] |
It is so fucking irritating when you can finally gather some thoughts together and write a blog and the damn tbog site fucks it up and all your work disappears.
Disheartening, to say the least. I don't have the patience to try and write all that over. So, maybe another time (those few times I can gather my senses and have some space and time to quiet the mind enough to write). God knows when that will be. Until then, Tblog, you suck.
|
|
|
| |
| Happy Birthday to my grrl! |
| 04.22.04 (10:31 am) [edit] |
Wish we were home today, but we must work! Tonight, you'll get that full body massage and lot's of love! You got your kitty early, but maybe we can actually come up with a name for him/her tonight after we find out what the critter's sex is!!!!!
I don't have money to get you anything big, but if I did, I think I'd get you a nice new outfit, and a professional massage, and some Victoria Secret underwears, and tennis shoes, and take you to Ken's for a good meal. I know those are things you would like. Now, If I had bad big money, I'd take you to an island for the weekend and pay for a babysitter and buy you lots of clothes that make you feel cute!
One day I hope I can spoil you with stuff like that. Today, I guess I'll just spoil you with attention and love. Hope it fits!
I love you.
|
|
|
| |
| the weekend review |
| 04.20.04 (2:23 pm) [edit] |
Here's some nice things I experienced over the weekend:
walking down a busy street holding hands with my grrl (which to the average person means nothing, but to a lesbian couple, it is a very nice treat to be able to do that without hinderance.)
hearing my Dad give a heartfelt toast to my brother and his bride at the wedding reception....I doubt there was a dry eye in the place.
having my partner be there as my "family" and partner and having people treat her as such. (she was even a part of the family picture at the wedding). That is making some strides folks, and it was because of my brother and sister in law's openness.
the smile on my brother's face as he stood there in the sunshine gazing at his wife to be
hearing all the stories about my brother and his wife and how they met and how they fell in love
having an African American Woman do the ceremony for my brother's wedding in such a beautiful way that encompassed all who were there.....as opposed to a traditional (white male) protestant preacher boring type wedding.
having the majority of the people there be accepting of me and my partner
the flowers at the park where the wedding took place
Dupont Circle and the atmosphere of friendliness there
bookstores
sushi
love.
It was a nice weekend for me. Stressful at first, but soon replaced with a busy schedule and interesting/accepting people and places.
|
|
|
| |
| Giovani or Lenny or Sushi or Freddy or Franky? What is that cat's name? |
| 04.19.04 (2:01 pm) [edit] |
There's a new man in my life! I don't know what his name is yet. But, he's a cute furry little black and tan tiger kitty and he is adorable. now I really [i]am[/i] the stereotypical dyke with a cat! (I really didn't need [u]ANY[/u] help in this area!) He stole our hearts when he stuck his little head up to peer at us through the cage at the Pet Depot. He's from the animal shelter, so we liked that about him anyway. They say he's 6 weeks old, but he can stand in the palm of my hand and looks like 4 weeks old to me. I got the kitty for my grrl's birthday, which is this week on Thursday. But it's really for the whole family. The kids will be excited, especially Lydia, who is an avid animal lover.
Thinking about names.......We like Giovani Robifi, the actor that plays such a good crazy man.....like his character in The Gift.
We also like Lenny. We both like Lenny Kravitz, the sexiest man alive, and also for our favorite detective, Lenny on Law and Order (a favorite show of ours).
We love Sushi. It is the most satisfying meal.
Those are names we are throwing around. I think we may be leaning toward Lenny. Right now, he is playing on the bed and is making himself familiar with the house. He really likes our bed and room the best so far.
If you could just see him right now, balled up in between the two pillows on the bed, not big as your fist, asleep.
It's nice to finally be at a place where we can have a pet. We have a pet friendly landlord, and the timing is good. We hardly ever go anywhere, having 3 kids and no money, so a pet is a great idea for us. And cats are so easy to care for.
I'll have to tell you more about my weekend later. It was a great weekend! My brother got married and we had a wonderful weekend in Virginia/DC. More on that later.
|
|
|
| |
| craziness |
| 04.13.04 (12:18 pm) [edit] |
I'm really not at a good place today to blog, so I'll keep it short. (I'll spare everyone.)
I've got a splitting headache. I don't want to be at work. My stepkid's father just got out of jail with a pat on the back and now he's calling again....singing that same ole tune of "woe is me" and "i'm turning my life around this time." 30th version of the tune and it's getting old.
My brother's wedding is this weekend on Friday. So, that means quantity time with the family all weekend! My partner is obviously looking forward to this even less than I am. I'm just praying it goes smoothly and that the time might actually be of quality and perhaps a "bonding time" (as my brother hoped).
I've got to get my desk cleared off before the end of the day Thursday, so I've got much to do. Work is really busy right now, too, so that will be difficult.
To think on a more positive note.......my brother did these emails out to the family members and did little bios about each person coming to the wedding. I was quite pleased with my little blip and wanted to share.....
"....my youngest sister. You'll probably know her as such at first sight. (shimmer) and her mate, (greeneyed grrl) work in the social work field. They share a poetic bent and a love that makes me smile...."
I'll end this on that good note. Thanks, brother, I needed that!
|
|
|
| |
| deadbeat dads |
| 04.09.04 (10:55 am) [edit] |
|
[b]Deadbeat dads are one of the lowest life forms on earth.[/b]
|
|
|
| |
| Our State Is Broke |
| 04.07.04 (8:17 am) [edit] |
Our State is broke. That's what the governor says, that is what all politicians say.
But yet, today, I read in the local paper about how our House voted and passed a "legislative resolution" to assign an [/u]offical state whiskey [/u]on March 18. They overrode the governor's veto 54-7. This "resolution" then had to go through the Senate, which passed the resolution 19-8 on April 6.
Yep, our State is broke, and they have spent our taxpayer dollars in the House and Senate and the governors office on declaring an official State Whiskey.....God only knows what this resolution cost us, but yet they scream that we are broke.
Now, mind you, Alabama is a State that is mostly dry, so alcohol isn't even sold in most counties/cities of this state.
Also, where are these religious folks in all this? This resolution passed through without notice. So much for those FAMILY VALUES they loudly proclaim when convenient. Has anyone stopped to ask how whiskey has damaged the SANCTITY of marriage? Where were those Bible Thumpers? I can bet you whiskey has damaged marriages in this state a whole lot more than any gay couples trying to live their lives together.
Whiskey is an important issue in this state? Hmmm. Yeah, I've seen how important it is to those religious folks sneaking in the the liquor store in the next town, hoping nobody would see them, stocking up for Sunday on Saturday night...cause, you know, you can't buy alcohol on Sunday. But that's a whole other issue.
Anyway, the front page of todays local paper tells of how our lovely governor will be in town to discuss a "multimillion dollar announcement" to be made regarding a bridge they have been working on for [i]years[/i] now. They made this bridge, but they have no road leading from the bridge. But their biggest concern has been what to name the damn thing.
Fucking amazing. Yep, we are so broke.
Anybody want some whiskey?
I hate the stuff, myself.
|
|
|
| |
| vulgarities |
| 04.06.04 (5:58 pm) [edit] |
I just want to say a few words.
fuck, shit, damn, hell.
now, i feel better
i sometimes visit message boards and have visited one at ivillage for years. i found friends there, gave and received support, and gave and received advice in that time. however, they have these strict rules about being nice and good and not using curse words or vulgarities or anything that resembles them. So, I just needed to come over here where I can say anything I want and there aren't any fucking rules to keep me from saying fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
I like to say "fuck" better than any word cause it releases more stress than any other word I know.
Just try it, say it, F-U-C-K!
Just the formation of the word on your mouth allows for release and full expression.
On a totally seperate issue.........
I would like to say FUCK YOU to any of those damn creditors that have been harassing me and calling me every damn day. I have started going through a credit counseling agency. But, apparently, this takes 30-45 days to get everything into place. meanwhile, these very nasty people are calling and threatening me on a daily basis. I've already paid money to the credit counseling agency, so they can pay my creditors, but that is not enough for the vultures. They call pretending they don't know anything about it and try to harass you and threaten you enough to get you to pay them directly AND through the agency. Well, fuck you, you fucking fucks! I'm not talking to you anymore. Do what you have to do. I really don't give a shit anymore. I'm tied. I'm strapped. I cannot move, so sue me. I don't have anything and you'll get it when you get it. I'm doing the best I can.
FUCK FUCK FUCK
How did I get here?
I'm a woman who gets paid less than men in the same position. AND, I don't have a man taking care of me that makes much more than I do.
Don't try to deny this stuff still exists, cause it does.
I'm not saying that's the only reason I'm here, I'm just saying that it is a factor in the equation.
I'm a responsible person. I'm trying to get to a better place. I'm doing all I can do. Now, I'm going to forget you and go on with my evening.
ok, now i'm going to watch some basketball and hope my Lady Vols win.
|
|
|
| |
| my little heater |
| 04.05.04 (8:26 pm) [edit] |
silky smooth
soft
warm
fluid
electric
heaven
home
|
|
|
| |
| ramblings for today |
| 04.02.04 (5:47 pm) [edit] |
today was my first day back to work after the kidney stone.....let me tell you, it's not easy staying up all day after being laid up in bed for 2 days on Percocet. I think I prefer being in bed with my pills. But my wife says she won't support me. oh well, can't blame a gal for trying.
sometimes i get so bogged down at work and beyond that i can't seem to concentrate on anything. makes me not be able to listen to what people are saying. you are talking to somebody and see their lips moving and realize you have no idea what they have said. i hate when that happens. seems to happen more and more. i try to tell myself to live in the moment. it's just not always easy to do. i think it's getting worse with age. it's a conscious effort. never thought i'd be saying that. i used to be such a good listener. it makes me feel like i'm so selfish, that i can't even pay attention to what somebody is saying. geez. i have got to do better on that.
ok, on to another topic.....
things i like about a bigger city
1. things to do
2. great resturants to choose from
3. going to see a movie at any time of day you decide to go and being able to enjoy the atmosphere of the theatre (clean, quiet, no big hairs in front of you, stadium seats, etc.)
4. gay bars with good drag shows
5. gay community activities and facilities
6. anonymosity
7. diversity
8. employment options
9. cool places to visit (bookstores, parks, unique stores, etc.)
10. more open minded people
i guess that's all my ramblings for now.
|
|
|
| |
|
|
